You know the moments just after you wake, when everything can be as perfect as the dream you just had or as scary and horrifying as the nightmare that lingers over your skin like a damp morning, the latter moments seem to be the ones that linger more often than not.
I wake from the disjointed sleep and for a few blissful nano seconds, occasionally, I feel [do I dare say it?] normal!!! I imagine my daughter coming in, me greeting her with a smile and then going down and beginning the perfect day… That’s if it’s been a good night.
If it hasn’t been a good night, which is more often than not, it taints the whole day. I wake up with a dark veil over me, with the sun being blotted out. There are little holes in the netting but everything is grey. Everything I look upon has this blackness creeping through it, the views I look upon, the people I know and who know me, the foot I eat, everything is tainted.
For those first few seconds of the day, on a good one, they aren’t. Is it bad that I cling so desperately to them. That I want to be the happy Mami.
Anyway, I am off to get dressed, I need to go shopping soon to get dinner ready for my Mam’s birthday. I am cooking a meal for my parent’s. Going to try and keep today positive.