Some differences between Impulsive and Compulsive Eating here.
I have impulse issues, a lot of people would attribute it to the Borderline Personality Disorder. Probably rightfully so, I would put it down to years of turning to food as a comfort and using it to treat my emotional issues.
Tonight has seen one of them moments.
Ever since my post earlier and the continual intrusive negative thoughts, I found myself just having a Curly Wurly (6 syns on Slimming World) because I wanted one. That was my undoing. I had tasted chocolate when I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.
I have since eaten another 2 and polished off a hot chocolate.
Ok, so in 3 weeks of being on Slimming World, it’s my first wobbly/flexisyn day, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t a too bad. I just feel shitty because I didn’t even think about why I wanted it. I just ate it.
The whole learning process that you have to learn when dealing with emotional eating issues. You have to identify and learn your triggers, you have to understand why you are eating, you have to learn why you are wanting to turn to food as a way of comfort.
I feel ashamed now. The fact that I couldn’t control myself, the fact that I recognised my emotions and still continued to hunt out the chocolate and eat it.
The distance in my journey is far. I know I have to work towards a lot of issues, resolving them myself as I won’t get psychological help, counselling or behavioural therapy for this. I still haven’t heard about CBT or DBT for my BPD. I am beginning to wonder how they expect people to claw their way out of the holes they find themselves in by themselves.
Oh well, I know why I ate. I was feeling shit because I couldn’t shut my brain up. I kept listening to the thoughts.
I will draw a line under today. Tomorrow is a fresh start. I will admit, I am tempted to wander down to the gym again tomorrow and have a burn. Then, I could, probably should, take the dog out for a walk. Get some fresh air and blow the cobwebs away.
Anyway, I just thought I would share that I have slipped up.