So, as it is whenever I come back to this place, I disappeared a few months ago…. Why?
The same old, I fell off the wagon. I stopped going to Slimming World and the gym. I fell ill and the plan fell to shit. I gained everything I lost (as you do) and then went on to have crippling headaches..
The headaches have become more and more persistent and troubling. The build up of pressure in my head has been pushing me to the edge. It’s horrific. Was eventually sent to a Neurologist. He diagnosed Chronic Migraine and Intercranial Hypertension. Not pleasant. So the Neurologist explained it as such.
“You are a Migraineur. Your brain has formed in such a way that has made you hyper sensitive to the world around you. Mainly, light, sound and smell. You smell things that most people don’t (I piped up that I can smell when snow or rain is coming.), that I am the one who can hear a car alarm 6 streets over and it drives me mad (this is totally true), and light is uncomfortable and can be painful (again, I have ALWAYS said, from a young age, car headlights and street lights hurt me at night. I struggle in bright day light and have issues with reflections of strong lights.)”
So this all rang true, then came the shocker.
“You have increased Cerebral Fluid. Intercranial Hypertension, but only mildly. The pressure of the fluid around your brain has increased because of your weight. If you don’t lose weight, the pressure will increase and you will eventually lose your sight. You will be referred for a Lumbar Puncture and a CT Scan. The LP will be rushed, but could still take a while.”
BRILLIANT! The clincher in all this was to come off ALL of the codeine and morphine based medications that I have been prescribed, go cold turkey, and just survive on an anti-inflammatory (Naproxen) and a tablet that supposedly helps with migraines (Amitriptyline), neither of which seem to be helping much, but hey. I have to take them to prove I am doing something to try and control these migraines.
What are you going to do about the weight thing? I can hear you saying, well, this one is a bit of a long shot. I am trying Paul McKenna’s “I Can Make You Thin!” and his “Hypno Gastric Band” things. I am in the process of reading both books and it sounds plausible, I mean reprogramming the subconscious has got to be better than the bullshit that is the whole dieting shit. Starving yourself or bingeing on the good foods and feeling guilty about what you eat and then over eating. Blah blah blah.
So yeah, that’s the plan. Call me completely batshit, but you never know. Reprogramming the brain to listen to the signals I have ignored for so long could actually be good for me. Eat when I am hungry, stop when I am full. Sounds simple enough. Whether it works, only time will tell.
Yeah, I am fat (really fucking fat, I haven’t weighed myself for a few months!), have wicked headaches that leave me sleeping for 70% of the day and I am fighting with the inner workings of my head (BPD shit, which is still unmedicated. Which reminds me, I completely forgot that I had a psych appointment last Thursday. Fucking brilliant!)
This is me, catching you up on the shit in my life, that no ones really gives a fuck about.