I realised that I haven’t cut for a year, or thereabouts. This may not seem like a massive deal but to me, it shows how much I have changed over the last year.
My mental health seems to be doing alright. Touch wood. I seem to be on an even keel. Although I do still suffer from really bad paranoia and the emotional outbursts, I am not depressed and I don’t feel down. Even though my head is hurting (the Chronic Migraines and Intercranial Hypertension), constantly, I don’t feel depressed. I don’t feel overly upset. I mean my work situation hasn’t improved, but hey, not much I can do there.
So today, I actually left the house to go to the local Post Office. The bloody place was closed when I got there, but I got out. In the sun and the heat. I don’t do well in either as they are a trigger for me, I also get nose bleeds if I get too hot, not attractive. I know that if I get too hot, or if I am looking at or in direct sunlight, I will end up with a migraine. I am honestly like a walking barometer. I can smell the rain and snow coming. I get a migraine with atmospheric pressure drops and highs. Like I said, walking barometer!
BUT, I went into the OUT!!! This is a massive thing for me as I am quite reclusive. I don’t like going out, I don’t like being in the sun and I definitely don’t like being in the heat! I don’t like being surrounded by people (which makes working in a bright and busy shop hard work) and I get super paranoid about what people think of me. Which is so consuming.
Although, in September, I won’t have much choice. Kiddo’s school bus service will be stopping, so I will have to walk a mile to her school to collect her and then a mile home, from Monday to Friday. So I will have no choice but to get out and exercise. It will also mean the Hound will get a walk again. She will get exercise. I was going to get all sad and feel guilty about being trapped in my head and home, but I shan’t.
I am proud that I haven’t cut. I am proud that I have gotten out, voluntarily. I am proud of the way I am coping with the Chronic Pain, at the moment.
Speak to you later x