Yes, I used bad words (well, Cunt is one of my favourite words EVER but if Mam heard me using it, I’d get told off!)
As much as I am trying to be level headed about all this and think of it all practically, the Borderline Personality is making it ridiculously fucking hard. I want to cry all the time. I am currently a ball of seething rage, which is why the post is entitled Cunty McCuntFace… That’s how I feel. Like a huge evil bitch. A cunt. An angry, hurting cunt.
Gary (the negative thoughts), is talking like a kid who has eating a fuck-tonne of blue smarties (back in the day when they were full of e numbers) and hasn’t stopped jabbering since hoovering the tube up!
I am currently listening to my favourite thing ever, classical pieces of music played on an electric guitar. Fucking incredible and soothing too. Which seems to help drown the little shitstain (Gary) out.
Why is it, that when you try to find a positive way of coping with the shitstorm that has been dumped at your feet (not just mine but my family’s too), a BPD brain decides that you need more shit on top of the shit you are dealing with by making more shit up and getting your worked up over shit. See a pattern here?
Just feel so angry. I’m crying because I am emotional anyway and then I get angry because I cry all the time. Then I am crying because I am so angry.
Anyway, just a little vent.