What Made Me, Me!
TW for Miscarriage, MHI, self harm, suicide, bullying, all kinds of crap.
I was going to copy and paste an intro from an old blog, but it needed a shit load of editing and didn’t seem to fit. So here is what made me a little timeline of my life.
- Born 1984
- Grew up in a confusing environment. Mam is my best friend. Dad was ill with Combat PTSD and is only now getting help for it. He wasn’t well, it doesn’t excuse what he did, or how he acted.
- Sexually assaulted at 9 years old by a teenager.
- Bullied all through school for being poor, tall and fat.
- Sexually assaulted at 12 years old by an old man.
- Finished school half way through the first term of my GNVQ due to bullying.
- Left home at 16 after many arguments about my depression and several suicide attempts.
- Diagnosed with PCOS at 17ish.
- Raped at 18.
- Met my husband.
- Got a mortgage at 18.
- Miscarried at 18.
- Fell pregnant at 20.
- Had our daughter at 21.
- Severe PostNatal Depression after my daughter.
- Married at 26.
- First breakdown at 26.
- Went through therapy, was in a good place.
- Lost 5st in weight, was in a good place.
- At 28, my dog cut her leg, she nearly died and I was seriously ill (with Genital Herpes. It was diagnosed a week before the dog cut her paw. I had had Herpes for nearly 20 years before it was diagnosed, apparently, being a virgin at the time I contracted it [see age 9] meant I couldn’t possibly have it). I fought to try and keep it together.
- Second breakdown at 29, Social anxiety kicked in and a fear of leaving the house grew.
- Turned 29, 5st I had lost has gone back on. Diagnosed with BPD.
- Just before my 31st birthday (2015), I got a new job. This new job has helped create an hugely positive influence upon me. I love my job and the people I work with are cool as hell.
- At 32, In July of 2016, I passed my Practical Driving Test! I am a DRIVER!!!
- In the November of 2016, my dad was admitted to hospital and diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.
- January 2017. Dad’s Tumour is Malignant.
- February 2017. Dad has about 18 months and is terminal. Chemo is being used to extend his life.
- February 2017. Tabitha GingaBitz passed just before her 13th birthday.
Ok, so all of that may prove to be quite clinical reading, I find if I don’t remind myself of the timeline, I forget how old I was when certain important events shaped my life.
So yeah, that’s me. That’s a basic rundown of my sad little life. I am now fighting for recovery. Focusing on my Mental Health before my weight. I have to.