Time for an Update!

The last time I wrote here was back in March. SO SO much has happened since then. A shit load of stress for one!

I started my driving lessons in March, 2 lessons a week, 1.5 hours long. It wasn’t until the April that I started driving my own car in between the lessons. My confidence was growing, along with the self doubt and the stress levels. My Theory was booked for the 25th of May. I passed! A total score of 47 correct answers out of 50 on the multiple choice and got the highest Hazard Perception mark, despite one of the clips being disallowed because I clicked too frequently. 63 out of 75. I was breathing like a woman in labour the whole time. I was terrified. It was like going through 3 stage security before I went in and 2 stage on the way out.

Because of the disallowed clip, I thought I had failed. The lady on reception handed me the result in a little magazine and did nothing. No smile, no frown, nothing. Her poker face was perfect. I opened it up, saw the words “congratulations” and proceeded to sob! My sister was waiting in her car, as I got into her car I ugly cried. Snot, tears and hiccups. It wasn’t pretty. She started saying “But it’s okay, you can res….” “but I passed!” Was all she got from me.

I was a wreck. I vowed as a kid that I would never drive because I was terrified of my own aggression. BUT as a driver, I am not as scary as I was as a passenger. I was so proud of myself. Because I had passed, my instructor advised me to book a test for as soon as 3 weeks time. As it stood there wasn’t any available for 5 weeks.

 

My practical test was booked for the 5th of July. Yesterday. I did it. I passed! I couldn’t chuffing believe it! Seriously, me driving was not something I could completely comprehend. I never thought I would be behind the wheel of a car. Yet, here I am, 2 days after my test and I have been driving alone for 2.5 days (I went out after my test and when I had calmed down!). The independence and luxury it offers is incredible.

I can book appointments and know I will only have to take the morning off, or miss an hour or 2 of a shift. I can go places and do things in a time frame that wouldn’t be possible whilst depending on buses.

 

The stress of it all though, the last 5 months (I started lessons on the 2nd of March), has made me really ill with the Herpes. My glands have been so swollen at some points (only on my left side mind you), that it has been agony to walk. To sit even. I wasn’t sleeping and I was stressing so much. There was a constant battle between trying to calm myself down and convince myself that I could do it and the genuine freak out that if I didn’t pass, I would miss so much. The summer hols would be a squib and I would lose out on a chance for a weekend away with my Wifey (She is a Hufflepuff, I am a Slytherin) doing Harry Potter things. It’s our escapism. But it’s also a weekend of independence, time away.

With all the stress gone, I am running on empty. Honestly, I am unsure as to how I managed to keep going the way I did. I am so so tired now. Absolutely shattered. The last 5 months have caught up and my body is calling for a break. My bed is calling me so hard right now.

 

Things are looking up.

It’s fecking awesome!

 

A x

 

Newest Update

Welcome to 2016!!

Over the last couple of months I have gone through what seems to be an amazing change. Although my mental health is a lot better than it has ever been, I still have blips.

The new job I have, I love it. I really enjoy the people I work with and I really enjoy the work I am doing. For transport to work, I am still using the bus, which means I get about an hour of reading time, which is nice. (I get to read again, get lost in the written word and I get to do reviews again.) The fact that I don’t get travel sick any more is a bonus!

The changes that have happened since I wrote last are that I now have a provisional driving license. I am due to start my driving lessons on Friday the 4th of March!  I am absolutely bricking it! Which is to be expected but I want to be passed and driving as soon as possible. With the arrival of my provisional, I got my first car! A little Ford Focus which is perfect for me. I will be driving her (accompanied until I pass by a full license holder!) to work to keep what I learnt in my lessons fresh in my mind. The need and desire to be driving with as soon as possible is incredible. I so badly want to be driving it hurts.

I will have so much more independence and I will be able to leave for work an hour before my shift rather than 3 hours to ensure I get there safely and on time. I can finish a shift and get to my daughter’s school without relying on the bus and worrying the whole time if I am going to make it on time because of delays. I can get my daughter, grab the dog and go to the beach after school. We will be able to do things during the holidays and just have independence.

I can’t wait! I need to pass my test! Expensive, but a must.

So yes, a fantastic couple of months in which I am absolutely loving what has happened with me. Christ, I am even wearing make-up. Seriously. I have never been interested in make-up. Now I just want to look nice. To look decent. I want to make an effort. Which is nice.

Right. Now I have updated you all, I am off to read some more of my book before going to bed.

 

Speak soon.

 

A xx